Friday, February 27, 2004

Well it is the first day of Youth Quake weekend, the huge youth retreat that Briercrest holds every year about this time... for the special festivities a friend and I decided to do something fun. You remember I told you homefries that I was going to do something to drastically change my appearance... well we decided to go goth for YQ weekend! yes I said goth, my roommate and I dyed my hair black(ish), my nails are painted, black makeup, fishnets for sleeves.... full out goth... (for those of you who are crying over the loss of my red hair, don't worry it's not permenant) 'Why goth?' you ask, well why not? anyhow I'll attempt to put up some pictures once I figure out that template. Besides that, I am hideously sick, and have tons of homework.
Righto, for those of you who are wondering how I'm faring in relation to the Feb 23rd post, it's hard, I won't lie to you, it still bothers me, and I have to constantly give it to God. But I have the peace of God in my heart knowing that He is in control of all things. And He keeps me smiling (despite the fact that my body feels like it's been hit with a 2x4, and depsite the emotional stress), because I know how much He loves me, and how much He's done for me.
OH! speaking of how much He's done for me, I saw The Passion the other night, Mel Gibson has done a spectacular job! I recommend everyone who is of maturity to see it... it is gory, so I wouldn't let children see it. BUT it is realistic to what happened, it isn't senseless violence, it is showing a sacrifice. Our Lord, who was innocent of any crime or sin, who didn't have to do this, who could've freed Him self from it at any point, willingly chose to endure for us. yes, so go see it...

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

ok, things are working fine and dandy, at least I hope so... unfortunately I've lost all of your comments because I've switched sources, I'm now using Haloscan instead of commentthis! Anyhow, um, I've put up a lot of posts in the last day and half, so be sure to check the archives, due to the fact I only keep the last 2 days on the main page... but I'm not sure why the comments are running into the same line as the date of the next day... bah, stupid templates...
alright, i think something may be wrong with the commentthis site, and is why the comment link isn't working... can't be sure but I'm on it so hopefully the problem will be fixed soon.
HEY HOME FRIES, so I forgot to tell you you all how my date on Sat went...
it turned out to be a triple date plus one (one of te guys couldn't find a date, so he went as our chauffer). The date was a riot, we left at lunchish, and in Regina we went to a comic book store (my dad would've liked that...) where we bickered about whether or not Batman was a valid Superhero (he is, and the best superhero), and discussed the new Xmen series. After that we went to Value Village, where I found the awesomest coat ever (it's a knee length brown leather jacket with fur trim around the collar, down the front around the bottom and around the cuffs... it's hilarious), maybe I will throw a pic up of it once I figure out how to do that. I also found some awesome t-shirts, like one that's from some river race in Belieze... but on the back it says "STAMINA SEAWEED.... NUFF POWER" heh... right anyway. Sooo when we finished there the boys took us to the Regina Science Centre where we played with Children's toys and watched a pot belly pig eat popcorn. Oh and for all who are going there.... the 'Gee in Gnome' exhibit sucks (that's an unofficial review by Andy, Rob and myself). Oh and the freeze dried peaches they sell in the souveneir shop are really gross, but the freeze dried apples aren't too bad.
For dinner we found some obscure Chinese restuarant, where I discovered that Rob can look like an elf, Andy can look like a Ranger and Sarah finds barfing up water quite refreshing... I ate one too many Chicken Balls, and discovered that Chicken Fried rice is one of the most fantastic foods in the world. Feeling quite full, we ran back to the science centre, because our admission into the Science centre included an IMAX movie. We watched INDIA kingdom of the TIGER! I think I want to visit India now. Right anyhow, the guys decided that they didn't feel quite like going home after that, so we went to Rainbow and caught Peter Pan. Which has got to be one of the best versions of Peter Pan I've ever seen (seeing it for the second time reaffirmed that opinion), but I haven't seen them all, so I can't be absolutely certain, and I think I want to go to Never Never Land now.
that's all and I have to run because I'm going to be late for Chapel...

Monday, February 23, 2004

ok, so I'm taking a page out of dez's book (for those of you who know the both of us, those who don't, don't worry it's not necessary in order to understand this post) or if I want to make an attempt at being witty, I would say I'm going to take a post out of dez's blog... but we all know I'm don't try to be witty (it comes naturally.... heh heh).
anyhow so today's grand lesson that I've learned is that some things are just not worth the pain and frustration, surprisingly enough it seems to be a recurring theme. I have a habit of getting anxious about many things, and seem to think I can solve all the mysteries of the universe inside my head. Or as my dear friend Veronica would phrase it "Johanna, dear (she would say dear.. really...) you have an incredibly agile mind, but you make the simplest things incredibly complicated" (or something to that effect, you can correct me if I'm wrong in the comments vee).
Anyhow, God is constantly teaching me that I can't bear the things that I let consume my mind, and when I say constantly I mean He's been teaching me this for years... it's just in relation to different areas of life, or just different situations. Today it happens to be in reference to a boy (yes... those troublesome creatures). I've been getting incredibly confused in a situation and I seem to find it too incredibly difficult to ask "what the crap is going on?" (well maybe not those words exactly). So instead I just think about it, and try to piece the puzzle together myself, which results in a great deal of (here's a shocking surprise) frustration and anxiety. Why is this? well kiddies, it's the unfortunate truth that as smart as I am, I don't know everything... (don't think I could handle the stress of knowing everything either) and will not always be able to figure out every mystery. And I'm only going to drive myself insane worrying about all the things I can't figure out.
So, (here's where I take a post from dez's blog) I've decided not to worry about him anymore, honestly, I don't know him well enough for him to be something that worries me this much. To that I would like to note an encouragement from a fantastic guy named Paul who once said, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will gaurd your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brothers, whatever is true whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or recieved or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." (found in Philippians 4:4-9, New International Version).
These things that consume my mind are not the things which Paul speaks of. Instead of being anxious about them, I need to instead pray about them. Instead of worrying about the things I can't change or the mysteries I can't solve, I need to focus on the blessings God has given me, to think upon that which "is excellent or praiseworthy." The result of this will be a peace in my heart, and a heart that rejoices in God.
soo to wrap things up.. boys stink (how's that for deep!) but God is big enough to take them out...
oh wait... maybe a better wrap up would be I'm dumb but God loves me anyway... yea I think I like that one.

Friday, February 20, 2004

Alrighty, so I think dez and I have somewhat, maybe, sorta fixed the archiving problem... at least temporarily, sooo everything beyond my last three entries will be in the archives
Alright, just to warn you this post might not make entire sense to you, in fact my thoughts not making sense to you may occur frequently... just to forwarn you. It is a process of working through thoughts, and I would appreciate any contributions you may have, if you do understand what I'm talking about...

my thoughts for tonight, well actually this morning, have to do with how well we really know each other and making judgements with a plausible lack of knowledge, or maybe consideration. I think it would help if I gave a situational example before I delve too far into this thought. I have over the past few years been troubled with the opinions of others that I would make a good couple with another gentleman, (including the opinion of the gentleman himself) but I myself never saw it working. None the less, because of our friendship, these continuous comments have come up. People who barely know one or both parties in depth, seem to think they have sound judgement in the coupling of others... The situation, or the issue rather, of us dating, has been resolved, there is no tension between any parties... but I can't help but to wonder why is it we feel that we have sufficient knowledge to make judgement calls of that sort?
I've done it, maybe you've done it... seen two of your friends who can joke around, get along or two people who have worked well together in projects or organizing events, and thought, hey those two could make a cute couple... or the other way around, found out they were kind of keen on each other and started to analyze why they wouldn't make a good couple.... (and everything inbetween) but maybe we're only seeing so much of the story.
A friend once commented that it's always easier to be objective and accurate when you're removed from the situation emotionally, but honestly are we ever truly removed from the situation emotionally...? Or are we just looking at those types of situations through our own perspectives, opposed to trying to understand where others are coming from?
I'll leave it there and see what you guys have to say, maybe I'm wrong in my thinking.... or concerned about something that really doesn't matter (but than again how many of the things that we 'discuss' or argue about truly relevant.... always that's how often!)
(and this is for all you E&D students) Thanks for raising that important issue...
We're having technical difficulties
alrighty soooo i'm having some difficulty. Ok I lied, I'm having incredible difficulty with figuring out the template of my archives.... anyhow I apologize, and will leave all posts on my main screen until i figure it out...

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Here is my version of the tales of prankdom against Brygmann,
as it was told in a letter to my friend Laura...

The dorm next door to mine is a boys dorm called Brygmann Hall, I have many friends there (in fact we even jokingly call me the LA Ambassdor to Brygmann.... and the wonder wench... but that's another story). These boys are big dreamers, but sometimes don't have the means or motivation to act upon their big ideas, until this past month. Someone came up with the idea to build a wall of ice in the middle of their courtyard (and decided to call it a dorm unity project...).
In order to build this wall they filled large ice cream buckets (we're talking like the BIG buckets) with water and then freezing them, which is quite easily done in a Saskatchewanian Jaunuary (we hit -47 last Tues... brrr). They then would peice these 'bricks' of ice together and pack them with snow and water, which would consequently freeze and make the thick wall impenetrable. (this is where the fun part of the story comes) The genuis head of leadership of our dorm (who is coincidently my roommate) came into my room about this time last week and noted to me how funny it would be if we took some of the prepared bricks and placed them around Fender (the guys dorm on the other side of Brygmann) making look as if they had stolen them... i thought that was a great idea, but we decided to improve upon it. Our friend Dez joined in on the plan and suggested that we (in a silly mockery of their wall) build a wall of the bricks in front of one of their doors. SO, at 5am (we had to do this at an incredibly inconvient time in order to not get caught) Monday morning, my roommate char, and my friend Dez and I headed over to Brygmann to act out our plans (in suspense yet??). With much fear of getting caught, and soe quick manuvering we managed to relocate some of the bricks to the door step of one of the doors. But it didn't seem as fantastic as we had hoped, it was very unstable and we couldn't make it as large and encompassing as we had invisioned; but we went with what we could do. Now, I myself expected the boys to think this prank incredibly lame... because honestly, it was... and due to its lamitity (don't bother looking for that one in the dictionary) I expected to guess right off that it was 'the girls'. The next morning I managed to drag myself out of bed for breakfast (around 8ish) in an attempt as to not look suspicious ( we would someone who was up pulling a prank the night before get up for breakfast...). And as I sat down with the usual company a bryg boy pointed at me and said "It was you wasn't it, I saw you sneaking around Brygmann last night." Now dont you worry, we didn't get caught, the instance he was speaking of was actually much earlier the night before (i had been there for a much different reason). I, in all of my acting glory, played dumb (it comes quite naturally actually..), my friend eric came to my rescue (i guess you could say) and retorted "No, I still say shes too weak to have done it." Now Laura, I'm not exaggerating when I say this, there was a buzz over the table, A BUZZ!! anyhow i continued to play dumb and asked them what the crap was going on, and they explained to me the prank that they suspected Fender had done. (mwa ha haaa) Later on that morning (the buzz was still a hummin) i went to Chapel, and sat with the usual friends, eric (the one who ventured that I was too weak) told me that they now had evidence that it was Fender (much too my surprise) or someone trying to frame Fender. (This is funny because we had given up on trying to frame fender) Apparantly a brick of ice that Byrg had given to Fender had been found along with the others that we had stacked in front of the door. Despite much hint dropping (actually my roommate flat out told someone she did it, and they told her to stop lying) the bryg boys did not catch onto the fact that it was us, except one. While at dinner with my friend Adam (who is also a bryg boy) a guy came up to the table and started to tell us that a fender guy had confessed that it was fenders doing.... of course i was shocked, I asked him to repeat what he had said (cause I didn't belive what I was hearing) and while the guy was ranting on, Adam whispered across the table "You're off the hook, let fender take the fall" (Sometimes this guys intuitiveness scares me, honestly). Later he covered for us telling them that he knew who it was but had taken care of it... (just hold on the story gets better) Back in LA (Lewis Apartments, my dorm) char, dez and I had decided that something had to be done in order to announce the true culprits. Our first plan was to go over there and spell out LA with the buckets, which failed when we went over there the next morning (at 5am again) and there were no buckets to play with (they were inside) and all the ice blocks had been frozen into the wall. (by this time we had an addition to our group Crystal) so this got me to thinking of ways we could announce ourselves without the blocks. We finally decided to shape LA out of the snow and pour purple water (we used grape juice crystal to colour the water) over it, which froze the snow to the ground and of course made it stand out (becuase it was purple). Now this was a truly great prank, but we also left them a note (which I will relate to you now) :

Congratulations boys on your new ice sculpture, you truly deserve it
Hopefully it gives you a new perspective of the girls next door.
A brygg boy once agreed that boys are as dumb as ice blocks, so we thought we'd give you a cold hard clue.
Remember that girls also have downfalls, we know we're weird.
Just remember that even though we don't have male parts,
Obviously we can handle a few puny ice buckets.
Don't think that we're bitter at your lack of confidence.
Even though we are weaker than you, know that we are not repetitive sissies
Zero and below temperatures with zephyr winds couldn't hinder our zeal to toy with you.
Container was very useful, thanks for its usage
Really couldn't have done this without its help.
Yes, actually we could've done it without the bucket… but it made it easier
So anyhow, maybe this will help you think more highly of us

The Glacial Girls.

A must note to that most of the things said in this note was reiterating what had been said to us, yes a boy told us we couldn't have done the prank because we didn't have make parts, my friends sometimes call me a repetitive sissy, and uh the boys are as dumb as ice blocks was a conversation a I had with Drew, after we had done the first prank (he had admitted that boys were as dumb as blocks, and I interjected "or as dumb as ice blocks?" the girls found this very funny... the boys didn't get it surprisingly..) Now if you have not already noticed, if you look at the beginning of the sentences you will see a very obvious acrostic, in order to make it very clear who exactly was involved. This prank went over very well, in fact we've apparantly started a war between our dorms, and the best part is.... it took eric an hour and a half to scrape away just the L of the LA that we left on their front step (the purple water had soaked through 3 inches of snow beneath it). And just to note the lasting impression we left on those impressionable young men, they even melted down the purple ice and used it to make bricks in their wall. So if you ever walk by brygmann (I know you won't but it just sounds like a good way to end the story) and you notice an odd coloured section of ice bricks in their ice wall, you will know that LA girls were responsible.
ok this post is more so for my home girls from the Strathroy and surronding area!
(and I guess home boys, but I don't know that they'd be reading this.. maybe)
Just thought I'd give you a little insight into what is going on with me over in Caronprt Saskatchywan (no that's not a spelling error) Alrighty, so I'm about 6 weeks into the semester, have got a lot of reading to do this time around and great deal of it is boring, but besides homework, I've been up to no good... well as up to no good as I get... my fellow LA girl, Dez, and my roommate, Char, and I were pranking the boys next door a few weeks ago... which is a great story, I should post that story hmmmm.... or you could just read dez's version (her link is right there) Oh by the way LA is my dorm (Lewis Apartments)
I'm going on a 'date' (it's not really a date but close enough!!) on Saturday... it's like a quadruple date (double date x2!! this is different from a quad date...). Anyhow I'm going to Regina for the day, just hanging out (hitting the Value Village, w00t) and having fun. In about a week I will be doing something to drastically change my appearance, but for the sake of suspense, I'm not going to tell you what exactly that is (bwa ha haaaa) don't worry I'll make sure to take pictures for you...
Alright well, it's lunch and I'm terribly hungry, and I'd like to get to the caf before that hurrendous rush hits...

Monday, February 16, 2004

I am constantly being reminded of how blessed with love I am... I've realized on several accounts that I am loved by others in ways that astound me, yesterday was another one of those accounts. My brother was online and, for the second time since I've been back from Christmas Break, asked me if I was coming home over the summer break (I'm not sure where I'll be going, but I'm hoping to get hired at the Youth Centre back home). When I asked him why, he responded with "because I miss you stupid" (and yes he is turning 25 this Thursday).
That made me laugh... I almost think that the series of the "Five Love Languages" (for those who haven't heard of it, it's a series of books that talk about the different ways that we show our love to others) forgot one of the languages; the love language of insults...
He isn't the only person back home who has expessed how much they appreciate me. Besides my family members who are always excited when I come home, my church family also expresses their appreciation; some tell me straight out that they love having me there, others tell me their happy to see me home again, some even appreciate me so much that they want me to come back and take a position there, and have even taken steps in trying to open that up for me.
I honestly don't know how I ended up being surrounded in such love, I know I don't deserve it, but praise the Lord am I ever thankful for them. The inexplicability of appreciation doesn't stop there, and this story is a little more personal than the previous examples.
Once upon a time... not very long ago, a boy found himself feeling quite keen on me. The boy sent me a rose on a few occassions (so single roses more than once..), waited for me to end my dating vow to God (i was intentionally not dating when I first came to Briercrest), and when my vow had ended, kept hoping even when he knew I was keen on someone else. Unfortunately for him this feeling was not at all reciprocated on my part, after awhile it came to the point where I had tell him that I didn't feel that way, and ask him to stop expressing his keenness towards me; pretty much (and I did not use these words) to stop hoping, and hopefully move on (I truly am not a cold hearted person, you have no idea how hard this was to do).
Anyhow, time went on, we stayed friends and eventually the point came where his education here drew to a close. A few days before he finally left this place we dropped a friend of ours off at the airport, and admist our conversation on the way home he told me that of all the people here that he was going to miss, he was going to miss me the most. After I hurt him, after he hoped for so long only to discover I didn't feel the same way, and didn't see any possibility of ever feeling that way. I don't even want to pretend that my not dating him was some sort of life crushing experience, but I know (oh boy do I know)the disappointment that he must have felt, and I know that it hurts. After that, he can still think of me in such a favourable opinion?? This kind of underserved, inexplicable appreciation that he had for me, this love and appreciation that has greeted me both of the places that I call home, it almost brings me to tears. And I give God praise for it is truly a blessing from Him, I hope that I never, ever, take it for granted, and if I ever shows signs of doing so... well, Dez, I give you full rights to set me straight with a 'love tap.'
Random Poetry!~ you'll notice this is where I got my blog description from.

Life is war.
And everyday is a battle.
It's always the same enemy,
Always a different disguise.
Never a new ploy,
Just the same ones
Twisted to look new.

Right before I trudge the ditches
Before I march into No Man's Land,
My Commanding Officer,
Sits me down for a pep talk.

Sometimes he tells me of past victories,
Sometimes he tells me of the horrible defeats;
In hope
That I'd learn from past mistakes,
And repeat the things done well.

Sometimes he shows me the treasure won,
Sometimes he shows me the scars from battles fought;
In hope,
I'd fight the good fight,
And to show for me what he has done.

For he has fought on my behalf,
And made it possible for me to win.
Everday after our talk,
I bravely enter the world with new courage,
Relying on strength that is not my own.

But somewhere
Between good intentions and selfish ambition
I lose what I've been taught.
I find myself caught between
Knowing what I could be,
And choosing to live as I have been.
And so by not choosing to change,
I choose deafeat.
And lose the battle.

Sunday, February 15, 2004

As I sat in the cafeteria with my friend Dez I pondered at the peacock rituals of the fellow cafeterians (The cafeteria is a prime location for observing these things). Before I go on I should probably define 'peacock rituals.' If you are acquainted with peacocks at all you may have noticed that their methods of attracting their mates includes the males prancing around and flaunting their tail feathers in hopes that all of their splendor will attract some lucky female. I'm sure you can connect that image to the human realm, although for us, flaunting tail feathers seems to happen on both parts...
Anyhow, on with my thought, in observing the peacock rituals I wondered at our underlying motives, and whether or not they are noble. For instance, some people, when they feel attracted to another, start changing who they are to make themselves more appealing to the other person. Most commonly in how they dress and often in the way they act (Now don't get me wrong, friends rub off on and influence each other, there's nothing wrong with that, what I'm referring to is deliberately changing ones self in order to make themselves more appealing to someone else). I myself, when I find that I am feeling keen on someone, have a tendency to try to caution myself against that, (I actually have a tendency to be quite withdrawn around those i think are super awesome great, but I'm working through that) This is mostly because through experiences of the past I've been taught that I should be ashamed of myself for being attracted others, and try to avoid doing things that could indentify an attraction.
But as I have discovered in an amazing amount of circumstances, a middle ground needs to be found... the desire in my heart is to loved for who I am, not for how attractive I can make myself seem, but that will only be accomplished by just being me. Much like how our unchanging God wants us to choose to love Him out our own volition, I want to be able to enter a relationship knowing that he chose me, not because I convinced him or persuaded him, but of his own free will.
hello everyone,
and welcome to my incredibly confusing life. You'll soon discover this is cause by my own insanity, or tendency to over analyze.. by the way I'm a girl *surprise* alrighty going to finish setting this baby up.
Out, yo!