Friday, April 30, 2004

hey all,
I'm thinking of changing the skin on my blog, but haven't quite found a skin that I like yet... I was trying to fiddle with the 'more sugar!' one for you dez... that bright yellow and blue on white was a little too much... but I couldn't get it to look right with a darker background... and hey maybe I'll find a skin with no frames for you Michelle! If anyone has suggestions of skins or sites that has skins please leave me a note in the comments.

Thursday, April 29, 2004

Sunbathing and saggydogs...
I spent my last day in the C-port lying in the sun while dog-sitting a 10 1/2 year old hound dog... ok that's not the only thing I did, but it was a pretty funny dog, it's ears sagged down and dragged accross the floor when she walked and she not only had a lot of saggy doggy skin, but also short little legs that made it hard to move and get up stairs. Now I'm sitting at home and my own dog is trying to pry my arm away from the computer so I'll pet him instead of typing... (he sticks his nose in the crook of my elbow and then pushes my arm away from the keyboard, he's a smart 'un)
Also on my last day, I attempted to use up some food I knew I wouldn't store so well for the summer... such as Peanut Butter, margerine and eggs...
so I made some puppy chow and invented a new cookie.
While I'm sure there is already a cookie out there that is something similiar to what I made... it still doesn't take away from the fact that I just threw a bunch of crap together and made something very much edible, (this is not me bragging... i took the cookies to movie night at Leif and Joey's and I think Drew must have eaten half the bag of cookies on his own...) sooo considering my fun with baking, cooking next year may turn out to be quite the riot.
Right, anyhow I'm back in the promised land, as my friend Jeff used to call it, Ontario is it's proper name and I forgot how bloody green the grass is here!! SO GREEN! I went out and cleaned up my garden today (after sleeping in until 11), everything is growing.. I have some very nice lilies popping up, and my herbs are coming back to life... sigh I love spring, the warm caressing wind, the smell of fresh growth... mmmmm, ahhh.
hmph well, I am finally here, and I have four months in which to fill before I can go back to the adventures of Caronport, and I was told by Jessi that she wants to read about some adventures during my summer, so I'm going to have to think about some crazy-fun things to do just so I can tell y'all about it.
One thing I know will be interesting, at least for me, is facing the lessons that God is going to teach me over the summer... He's always trying to show me something... there's a lot I need to see... Over the past three summers He's been showing me a lot about my family, in opening up to them, about being honest and true-blue about my beliefs, not that I lie to them but I am somewhat reserved about expressing the real relationship that I have with God. I want so much for them to have it too, but sometimes I'm afraid they're going to hate me, think I'm being pushy or holier than thou. So, if you can all remember, please pray for my relationship with my family, that I would open up and verbalize the deep faith I have in God, and that I would have ample opportunities to "practically show God's love" (that's for all you E&D students!), and that God would be working deep down in their hearts, helping them to grow. They're good people and they have solid Christian values, I'm sometimes afraid that that might keep them from knowing God better... for a lot of people it takes a hard fall on their rears (metaphorically) before they realize they need a desperate amount of help, that they need to ask God for help... arg, I don't want to assume that they don't have a relationship with God, but we need to open up about, talk about, show it growing in our lives... I want to know that they know God, you know?

Monday, April 26, 2004

Hey all!

I thought it was about time that I shared another poem with you! In fact today I will give you a special... 2 for the price of 1! (the price being free... not a bad deal really...) Anyhow the first poem is one that just makes me laugh... I found it years ago amongst the clipart that my pastor's wife was using for our church bulletin, such a random and odd place to find a poem. And the second one I wrote years ago... how many years ago I can't be certain of... (heh heh heh) enjoy!

Submitted by Betty McCallum

When the folks next to you act like
Those in the zoo.
A grumblin', a growlin', and spittin'
It's a pretty good plan
To be calm as you can
And do something useful... like knittin'

When a gossipin' Susan, with poison-barbed tongue
Comes in the room where you're sittin'
And starts to deframe
A neighbours good name
Count stitches out loud... and keep knittin'.

When there's been a slight
Misunderstanding at church
And others hint broadly of quittin'
You can do is sing
And stay at your post... and keep knittin'.

When Satan moves in with his cohorts of sin
Say You'll never find me submittin'
You irk me, I find, so get thee behind
And please don't disturb me I'm knittin'.

In the middle of problems, the big ones and small,
It's always most proper and fittin'
To trust and pray
Till the Lord shows the way...
And go ahead with your knittin'


Somewhere between leaving and coming
Something certain I had lost.
At first I did not realize,
Didn't notice or even care.
At first I did not see
What I needed most was not there.
But time uncovers mysteries,
The greatest detective couldn't solve.
Time was the one that revealed to me,
What my miniscule wisdom never saw.
Gradually the hole that something certain
Had certainly left behind,
Grew larger than the things I would try to fill it with.
Much larger than the things I could find.
Desperate attempts were made
To look for something certain
But it was certainly not to be found.
I had to go back to
Somewhere between coming and leaving
Something certain I had lost.

Friday, April 23, 2004


well, my obligations are down to zilch, at least for the next week... I cleared out my room today, it is absolutely bare except for the computer on my desk and my bed still bares its sheets. It truly is a depressing sight, and since I really have nothing pressing me, no papers, assignments (except maybe that distance learning course that is due in 2 months)... so really I'm left to do nothing else but chillax (chilling out and relaxing). Only it is slightly empty chillaxing... most students have left, and those who are here are either graduating or staying for a mod, so have things to do such as grad dinners, ceremonies, or reading textbooks...

I'm facing the brink of another summer; in a few days I'll be heading back to the place I once called home. In a sense I still refer to it as going home, but it isn't truly that anymore, more like a place to board for a few months with people I love and know well. Every time I leave I highly doubt that I'll be coming back for any extended period of time... Every summer (and now at Christmas times...) I wonder if it is the last time. I always think I'm going to be going somewhere different, doing something much more exciting than what I do back there, always looking for other options.
And then somehow I'm reminded that even if I change the scenery it is a possibility that I could end up doing and seeing the same things I've already seen in my life, but at the same time I can go back to the place I've been for most of my life and see something different and have an entirely new adventure. It could entirely depend on my attitude and outlook. Back 'home' there are still situations there where God has lessons to teach me, walls to brake down; walls like the ones between my family and myself. As much as we love and appreciate each other, we're not always as open as I know we shoud be, to talk, to share experiences, and wisdom...
So I find myself heading to this place once again, and I do honestly wonder if this will be the last summer I spend there, or if I'll even be returning at Christmas time... it's not a worry... just an incredulous passing thought, my imaginative mind wondering at the possibilities and options my life may hold.

It's strange to think that this is the end of my 3rd year here, strange to think of how many times I thought I was done here, and somehow ended up coming back. My entire adventure with Briercrest has been a pecularity... I remember in Highschool feeling that antsyness, a deep desire just to be done and move onto to some other place more exciting, some where far away. Of course back then my idea of far away was Toronto. I wanted to take theatre arts, hopefully at York, and although I looked forward to facing the big world on my own, I knew I'd probably work for a year before I went off to University. (I didn't like the idea of taking out a lot of student loans...)
Ironically when God called my heart to follow Him I somewhat had forgotten my eagerness to get away, well it would probably be better phrased as my detest for that place didn't seem as strong. God began to steer my heart away from pursuing my own plans and instead follow the call He had for me. So I started flipping through catalogues for Bible Colleges, mostly in and around Ontario, mostly... somehow I ended up at Briercrest out in Saskatchewan. It was long after I had begun attending here that I realized I had gone farther away from home than I had ever intended only after I had forgotten about my deep desire to get away. Not only did go farther than I had intended, but also left a lot sooner than I had ever imagined I'd leave; instead of staying an extra year after highschool I skipped OAC's and came out here (OAC's is Ontario Academic Credits... an extra year of highschool that only Ontario does and only Ontarian students studying at Ontarian Universities need... which is now abolished...). But the strange thing is that when I first came out here I thought the big plan was to come here and get a certificate in Worship Leadership and then go back home and use it at my home church. My qualms about living in that small area I had lived for the last 18 years seemed to have no hold in that idea, but as I began to grow to like it here my heart bounced between wanting to find new adventures and believing that it was God's will to go home. I looked for job opportunities that were anywhere except for back there. All attempts fell through and 2 summers in a row I found myself once again flying back there and working in a greenhouse... I gave up the idea of working at my home church when I had finished school, actually began pursuing other big ideas, such as going to university continuing my education there... that option led to the acceptance of going home for an indefinate period of time... and it seemed that once I had accepted that, and even began to look foward to that option, God seemed to work it out that I had to stay here. The pecularness continued when after I had realized God's will for me to continue at Briercrest, one of the worship leaders at my church approached me about working at my church in the area of my studies after I was done school. He felt so strongly about it that he even approached the Pastor about and got it cleared with him. And isn't it Ironic... don't ya think (all apologies to Alanis Morrisette...).
Anyhow, as there is a practical lesson to every story, this one shows me that not all of our dreams and ideas are futile or impossible, and God isn't always out to make us do exactly what we don't want to do; Gods dreams for our lives are more imaginative than we could ponder up and sometimes His timing isn't exactly the time we want... heh... But I suppose what could be said is that we should keep dreaming, but also keep in mind that the biggest adventure is facing the things we have not, could not ever dream of. His plans for us may be something different, something better. They may be our dreams maybe mixed with finding the surprise of God's plans. If make ourselves avaible and flexible... yet determined and focused... to finding adventure in whatever God may cause to cross our path than that is exactly what we will find, the greatest adventure that no one could ever imagine.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Alright well, I'm officially done my exams and the countdown until I leave has begun. I fly out of here Wed morning, so I have 5 full days left here. My room is a disaster, and I'm not really certain on how everything is going to get packed, and then into storage, but I've got a couple days to juggle everything around.
I've never stayed here this long after exams (and exams only ended yesterday), usually I grab the first flight out after my exams and pack while studying.
One thing I can tell you is that it truly sucks watching everybody else say goodbye and slightly trickle off. It's different from at the beginning of the year, it was nice having some quiet time and then watch everyone trickle in; my stuff was already unpacked, I just had to sit back, relax and hang out with friends. I'm really not a teary goodbyer, but it is still depressing watching everyone else cry... I remember my first year I knew one girl who cried for half an hour, and I mean bawled her eyes out, when she said goodbye to me. I think I might have shed a tear when I left home for the first time. (Is there something wrong with me?) hmph well...
anyhow, God has certainly blessing me this week, at the moment I'm quite poverish, I still owe the school money for this past semester, not to mention I need to pay them a confirmation fee for next year yet. anyhow, as it is i don't know for certain that I have a job for the summer (if you could pray for me in that respect that be awesome!) and if I get the job I'm hoping for I still have a month before it starts anyhow. So I'm going to be poverish for a little while yet... anyhow back to the blessings, I went over to a friends house today to 'close the deal' on some furniture I'm buying from them; they're married and graduating this year so can't keep a lot of the stuff they have. Anyhow for a super good price, I have a bed, a couch and chair, a cd player, a tv and vcr, not to mention they threw in a bunch of little shelves and tables in for free. And then on top of that they're 'lending' me their deep fryer (it's too big and lunky to take with them) and selling me their printer for like $5. Then my friend told me she has a bunch of laundry detergent and cleaning supplies that they don't want to take with them, so they're just giving them to me... (free stuff is always a bonus) anyhow on top of that, my quad mate gave me a bunch of laundry detergent and dryer sheets and other little things... it doesn't sound like much, but any college student will know anything we can get for free is like a priceless gem. I've got enough detergent to cover me at least until Christmas if not for the majority of the year... w00t!!!
right anyway... I have to go say goodbye to some other friends, they're leaving for Thailand on Monday... sigh everyone is going exciting places... my roommate is going to Brazil, I... I get to go to Kerwood... but I like Kerwood, in a non-permenant sort of way... ok... I'm leaving now... I'll post something more exciting soon

Sunday, April 11, 2004

Hello Everyone!!

So awhile back I went to a rodeo, Eric and I took my friend Kara out for the evening, it was nice just to get out of Caronport for a little while. I had never been to a full out rodeo, so that was an entirely new thing for me. Got to see some bull riding and bucking broncos, it was very fun. Anyhow this is a picture of Kara and I from that evening.

In other news, I did something interesting and new yesterday with Eric and our friend Chad... We, in an attempt to reach out to the community around our church, bought light bulbs and attached a note with an invitiation to come to one of our church services. We walked down the streets near the church and went door to door, handing them out for free.
At first I was incredibly nervous, thinking I'd say something incredibly retarded or for some odd reason they would hate me, but it became easier, especially after seeing some of their reactions. Most were taken off guard and pleasantly surprised, the expressions on their faces and their words showed that they were quite impressed with this gift. Strange how such a small gesture can make such an impression... and it is certainly an encouragement to continue attempting to reach out to others in such ways, to practically show God's love. Although (this should be noted to keep a balanced view) showing God's love practically should be done whether or not it is recepted well, whether or not I feel encouraged or I feel good about it. The first 4 or 5 houses I visited there was no one home (or they weren't answering the door) and that was slightly disconcerting... but I kept going, despite how I felt.

Classes are finishing up in this coming week, and then exams will be upon us, then another year here at Briercrest will be finished; it's been a good year, an interesting year. I'm kind of excited about being able to go back to Ontario for another summer, but at the same time I think its going to be somewhat difficult. Here at Briercrest I get to see Eric everyday, it is indeed a blessing to be able to hang out so often, but I'm going to go from being together quite often to months of being restricted to the phone and email. I know God will help us to be strong enough to make it through, but that doesn't make it easy...

Some exciting news regarding next year, I will be moving into a trailer with two awesome girls, and I found out this week which trailer we will be living in; it's exciting to know, to see, where my house will be. And it's exciting to think about being able to have my own house, being able to cook for myself, and the other little things that excite me about it; but i won't bore you with how excited I am to sew curtains and go dish shopping at Value Village... (yea I know I'm weird)

Anyhow that is all I've got for you folks today!

Saturday, April 03, 2004

Yesterday in one of my classes I gave my testimony (for those of who are not aquainted with the word, a testimony is our story of the great things that God is doing in our lives, most people associate it with their story of how they becamce a Christian...), and after I had done this I began thinking about how often I actually do tell the story of how God brought me to follow Him. While I continue to testify to the great things that God is doing in my life, I realized that though there are a few of you who lived my story with me, I never fully articulated the story of God's grace in my life to you. And as you all know I love telling stories of the great events in my life, so here is the story of one of the greatest events of my life...

My story begins as a little girl; most of you know that I'm the youngest of four children, who were only each 2 years apart all attending a small elementary school in the country. Early on in my childhood I felt unaccepted by those around me, while at school I was constantly taunted and teased by kids, and at home and at school my siblings made me feel quite unloved at points, I was often told that I was fat, ugly, and unlikable. Although I must note that like all siblings we had our shining moments, there were many good times and many pleasant memories, but for the most part we did not get along very well.

Before you feel too sorry for me, I must note that I was also the typical youngest child, incredibly bratty and self-centered; I pouted, fought and screamed when things did not go the way I wanted, I was overemotional and easily irritable. So although I was not well treated as a child by my peers I was also incredibly disagreeable.
Over the years, though my parents loved me, I did not feel that they understood, because they only ever gave me advice that I did not want to hear, such as telling me just to ignore other peoples comments, not to let what they say get to me, or that they are only trying to make me cry because they know that they can, and so forth. So as I neared my later years of elementary school I began to hide all the things that bothered me because I did not think anyone understood or even cared; I began to learn how to be tougher in the face of bullies (so instead of crying when they teased me, I just wait until no one was around and then cry).
By the time I got to high school I began to think that if I just had friends, if people just liked me, then my life would be great. And so with that desire of wanting to be liked, maybe even loved, I wanted to fit in. I began going to high school, made tons of friends, people wanted to hang out with me, my brother was nice to me, even invited me out to youth group, it was great! And eventually there was even a boy who liked me, wanted to date me (this was incredulous to me). To certain degrees I tried dressing to please (I wore some seriously short skirts...) I listened to what everyone else was listening to, and I was still focused on me, on how I felt, on how people treated me, though I never really gave much thought to how others felt or how I treated others. I still pouted, was incredibly moody and fought, especially at home, when things didn't go my way. Though I had these things that I thought I wanted, all the things I needed to make life good, my life was still empty, and it was still all about me.
I was a shallow and empty person attempting to carry my own burdens, and like a building with a weak foundation, and a weak structure, attempting to support something heavy, I collapsed; I fell into a depression. I became angry with the world and spent a lot of time feeling very sorry for myself; I spent many sleepless nights just crying and wondering why I felt so empty. Now, my parents were church goers so as a kid they took me to church and Sunday school, it never meant much to me, it was just something that I had to try and get out of (often times when they had had busy weeks I'd do my best to be as quiet as possible so that I didn't wake them, I knew if I was quiet up to a certain time then we wouldn't have to go to church). My brother invited me to youth group when I entered high school, but it was just another place to make friends, another place to socialize. So when I fell into this depression I stopped going to youth group, and going to church was inconsistent.
Somewhere within my depression, somewhere within my wonderings of why I felt so shallow, something told me that I had to look beyond myself. As I began to open myself up to looking beyond my own interests, God gave me something better to live for. I began to see that those friends that I had had at youth group loved me like no other friends I had had loved me before. So I started going back to youth group and to church and it was there that I saw where this love that they had came from, I began to see God's love shining through them, I began to see God as a real person; a person who had always loved me and was just waiting for me to give up my selfishness. When I finally realized this I gave my life over to God and decided to live for something much bigger and better than myself. And when I did that God opened my eyes to how much love I truly was surrounded by, although life did not become peachy keen right away, I had to learn not to fight with my family to keep a cool head and to suck it up when things did not go the way I wanted them to, and I'm still learning how to share my burdens, learning that I cannot do it all by myself. It took quite a bit of hard learned lessons to teach me to first focus on God, to humble myself before Him, and secondly loving others before myself.
Now I look around me and I see all of these people who love me, and I cannot for the life of me understand how or why they love me so much because I know I do not deserve it. But I thank the Lord for the love that He has blessed me with, and being able to see that I do not deserve what He has given me spurs me on to continue to love God and love others in living my life to please God, in continuing to live for something better than my own interests.
Now just in case the question occurs to you as to why this is only one of the greatest stories of my life, well that's because it is only the beginning of the great things God has done of my life, from there on in there are many other amazing stories of what God is doing in my life.