majestic thou in ruin by draven-clark
Here I am
There is a spirit of deservedness that has crept into our culture. It has found its way in through our desperate struggle to gains rights that have been denied, have been trampled on. Through those people who finally decided to stand for themselves because too few would stand for them. It snuck in as a negetive side effect of deep issues being corrected. It has come through the wealth that our culture has become accustomed to. Not just monetary wealth, the wealth that allows us to be a culture of consumers, but also a wealth of freedom; to do, to be whatever our heart calls us to. Rights have moved past being treated fairly, and freedom has moved past priviledge, they have moved into what each of us deserve.
I have in the past heard the message, to myself as well as to others, when something hasn't worked out, that there will be something better, that something better is deserved. And while that message might have been appropriate in its context, it always makes me wonder if this is a false hope, maybe a misplaced focus. What if I, you, any one of us, hears this message, continually dreams of that something better that we deserve, but is not meant to experience the things that our culture tells us we should desire.
What if, and I know I'm not the only one who has thought about this, my life is meant to be something like the prophet Hosea who God instructed to marry an adultrous wife in order to illustrate, to demonstrate a message to others. What if I am to be denied the good things this society tells me that I deserve, just so God can speak to humanity a message? I'm not saying my life has been a tragedy, although many interesting situations have crossed my path; I have enjoyed the wealth of this culture, and yet have experienced shadows of the heartaches that no one can escape wealthy or not.
Why is it that this mindset has so grasped the lives of North America? Why do we continue to believe that we deserve all the good things our culture hopes for? Maybe if we realized that we don't deserve them we'd appreciate them more and handle it better we become disappointed.
Are we willing to accept that some of us may never acheive what we are taught to consider the"good life" without bitterness or believing that we have been jilted out of something that belonged to us?
In most of those interesting situations that I have passed through I have been able to take consolation in knowing that I might not like the outcome but I followed God in what I believed to be His plan or stood for what I believed to be godly principles. There have been other cases where I just needed to recognize that I've been foolish, not following God, and accept the discipline or circumstances that befell me. But recently I came to a situation where I prayed and I believed that God was leading me into. It's turned rather messy, and it hurt. And it catapulted my heart into a place where my heart was in a state of tumultuousness. While in that state I continued to try to stand strong and follow in what I thought God was asking me to do. Something that I wasn't meant to follow through with and from there I began to question how I hear God's voice. Questioned many of the things that I believed God led me into, including the situation that led into all of this.
It is plain and simple that we will never completely comprehend why God asks us to do some of the things that He does, and often we need to own that we could be wrong in what we interpret to be His plan. But it did occur to me, and this could just be optimistic thinking, that if I hadn't followed in what I then believed God wanted me to do I would not have been in a position for certain other things to happen. It wouldn't be the first time God has asked someone to do something He didn't intend them to follow through with. If I have infact been hearing God's voice correctly the implications are, at least to me, huge. If that is the case that means God has brought me to places that are harder, scarier and more precarious than my foolish could ever manage to stumble into, and may very well continue to lead me to places that are as such. On one hand it seems obvious that this would be so, we like to keep ourselves safe. But then again we'd like to think that following God in something that is right and good would be easier to bear and would appear as a wise to everyone.
I don't know that my life will involve a large amount of hardships, I don't know that my life will be filled with what our culture believes that we each deserve; I don't know that I want that. God is a good God, and He has a good plan for humanity that He wants us all to join Him in. And it is my hope that I will be able to rejoice in that plan even if it seems to be filled with tragedies in contrast to the "good life"; rejoice that though it may not be a life full of 'blessings', but it will be a blessed life, a life that blesses others.