Friday, April 09, 2010
just let it go by onixa
Why is it we respond to what others say without thinking through context?
We respond to how we hear the words. How they make us feel. How they might mean if we said it ourselves or, and maybe most likely, what we fear those words are supposed to mean. We respond back to the person with all sorts of personal attachment to their words and could have avoided the selfish misinterpretation if we had for just a moment stopped to think about who is saying these words.
At most you may need to ask them to explain further. While this may cause conversations to take more time and if the other person may become frustrated to have to explain, more likely they will feel honoured that you care enough to understand and listen to their perspective and they cannot become any more frustrated than if you had assumed incorrectly the intent of their words. But really most misunderstandings could be corrected with a pause. A pause to put together the words with the person standing across from you.
I guess this is the most frustrating thing about myself lately. And it occurs mostly with Nolan. For some reason, and I do not think that I am the only one who has experienced this, marriage has torn down the reservations I have with the general public that allow me to think through the words that I am hearing. It is like that filter has just evaporated. While the stress that I have been experiencing may cause me to be more irritable and impatient, it does not explain why when I get home I suddenly stop listening with my head. There are reasons like caring more what Nolan thinks of me than the general public or that I am possibly letting the negative effects of my stress loose on him and there may be some small truth to either. However I think that when you've stripped away all the personal boundaries and become 'one' those fears you've learned to control come forth from the sidelines because there is another who could shake up all the conclusions you have come to or who may confirm something you didn't want to believe. It is not the fear that they will do these things, more the fear that they have the power to.