HALF

So after two weeks of much pressure, working as many extra hours as I can in the caf and ripping off 5 papers (one of which was my philosophy thesis defense... ouch, that one hurt), fighting with my computer to get rid of viruses, and fighting off a few viruses myself, I am back. I am not 'fully operational'... but still quite potent... (ok that was a Star Wars reference, I have crossed the line into random nerdness, we can thank my brothers and the multiple Saturdays we spent watching those movies... and if you don't get it, I apologize. Enough rambling I will give you potential...)

So I was pondering the age old dispute of is the glass half full or half empty, and how perspective plays upon all that we encounter. As I was thinking of how anything could ever seem both hopelessly optimistic and yet incredibly pessimistic, I wondered, is it ever possible to only see the glass as half?
Any person, and in fact most persons, would like to think themselves a realist, and that maybe from their viewpoint the world seems so much clearer, well at least to them it does. And there are those that can manage to see both points of view that the empty half has and the full half has. Then they try to reconcile the two sides and wish they would just stop fighting and talk it out...
But, is it ever possible to see that glass as half?

I'll let your brains munch on that, or at least let your fingers type a response, while I work on constructing another post... many things have been puttering around in my brain, maybe I can get one of those thoughts written down.

OK, faithful blogger readers, and not so faithful blogger readers... so everyone... Right, so, I have been given a genius idea; a friend of mine has decided to have a mailing list for those people who are interesting in reading her blog, so when she puts up a new post she sends out a quick email saying it has been updated.
Since I have not been overly frequent in blogging, or at least not as frequent as I may have once been, and since you all are very busy I thought this may be a good thing for 'life of a not so ordinary jo.'
I figure this way you can have the comforting knowledge that when something new and hot comes up here you will know about it, instead of every day checking the site, screaming at your computer "GOSH... Why doesn't this girl ever UPDATE!" (sorry if you can't stand Napolean Dynamite). I'm also toying with the idea of emailing when new poems have been put up on 'tell me no lies' since it kind of gets lost in the shuffle of everything else... I dunno, tell me what you think and if interested, send me an email (godsbutterfli@gmail.com), or slap a comment on this, and make sure I have the email address that works best for you!
ok, that is all...

as the crows sing by nayla

Ne Pas De Boys?

It's official, I'm done with boys. Please don't worry, it's only temporary. Indefinite, but temporary. So as my friend Chantie has been saying, ne pas de boys! That's probably horrible French... we'll blame Chantie if it is.

Boys, there is nothing wrong with you; I'll make that disclaimer up front. This is not a frustration with you, or bitterness towards boys in general, but right now I'm meant to be single. It isn't as if I've dated a lot, in fact I've dated very, very little; but I have spent a lot of time looking for someone. God has been pressing on my heart the words, 'he's not here', when I first heard them I passed it off.. I passed it off as one of those fears that creep into your heart, like 'what if I never find anyone?' 'What if I die alone?' Or 'what if I become a cat lady?' But gradually I've come to accept those words (he's not here... I'm pretty sure I'll never accept any idea of becoming a cat lady). Often confessing or declaring something is a sign of accepting it; this post is the first time that I have declared or confessed that God has pressed those words on my heart. I think I've finally accepted them.

He's not here... I cannot tell you what exactly that is supposed to mean. Whether it means that I will not find anyone here throughout my time here, or whether he's not here right now. Whether I will have to wait until years from now, or whether it will be tomorrow. There are many explanations that my flexible mind could jump mental gymnastics around, but that is not the point of those words. Those words are meant to guide, not to confuse me or for me to analyze. I will admit there have been a few boys here this year that I have thought, 'hey, he's cool' (and I said it just like that), but there was always that nagging knowledge that nothing would happen, at least nothing that God would have me engage in (heh, I need to be careful how I use that word around Briercrest). I do have a feeling that this may, at the least, last throughout the summer; other than the fact that I don't think I'll meet many single boys in my age range between April to August. I know God has pressed it on my heart to stay in the cport this summer, I think he means for me to be here with as little distractions as possible (and the cport is a good place to get away from distractions). I think this summer will be God and I, and hopefully a job, having a very long serious chat. And I am very much done discussing my relational status... or lack there of, there are bigger things afoot.

In my life lately there has been quite a bit of battling, by God's grace I have been winning, but it is making me tired. Satan's been working overtime... there's been nothing new, but he's been pushing all kinds of buttons to see which one can hit a nerve. There have been temptations to worry about things I can't change (mainly finances), temptations to dwell on past mistakes or sorrows, and temptations to focus too much on what may come in the future (such as the hopeful change in relational status) and most certainly tempted to doubt self worth (oooh I could write a whole post and a half on that stupid thing.... in fact I think I have). Sound familiar? They're typical methods satan uses to wane on one's patience. There is nothing that tempts me that isn't common to all of us; I know God stands by my side, giving me the strength to endure through whatever may come my way, 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us this. Today was tough; I had a lot of studying to do, so I spent a lot of time in front of my computer, trying to hold off certain thoughts and distractions in order to focus on philosophy. And in the last week a lot of interesting situations have popped up, causing a lot of thoughts and questions... ponderings and concerns...

If you remember, please pray for me, we all need help and by remembering me in your prayers would help quite a bit. Heh... it's been awhile since I've written a proper post... a jo post as I think Dawn would call it... I hope this suffices.

bench in woods by indospan

alone?

I watched Shadowlands, so now I want your thoughts on something...

Do we read to know we're not alone?

Do we love to know we're not alone?

condition by J i m

Two unconnected thoughts...

So I read Ecclesiates for class the other day, and found something very interesting, the most qouted part of the book would definately be the beginnng part of chapter 3:

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven--

A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.

What profit is there to the worker from that in which he toils?
I have seen the task which God has given the sons of men with which to occupy themselves. He has made everything appropriate in its time.

As I was reading the text book for the class the author made an interesting point, that this Scripture is more than often read in the understanding that there is a right moment for people to do things, he proposes that they mean just the reverse that "all moments are in the hands of God, who does them in a rhythm that is beyond human calculation."

anyhow, a completely different thought, more a musing that I thought I would share with you...

Why does it seem that either I am comtemplative, sad, maybe even depressed (or depressing) due to unfortunate circumstances or bubbling over in excitement to the point of embarrasment and foolishness due to favourable circumstances... I'm either happy and embarrasing myself or sad because I have done so... ah musings...

a loss for hope by handsinpantsdance
(some of these artists create the strangest names...)


I am a fool
yes, a loser too.
I've done it again,
gone and messed up.
Have lost sight of wisdom.

Even Solomon in the midst of despair,
still had some grip on wisdom.
Saying there is time
for every event
under heaven,

A time to be silent

and a time to speak.

But I am left struggling

having left wisdom behind

desperately tying to find
myself in the middle.

I am left to watch myself
practicing the very evil
that I do not wish.

Instead of seeing
and showing the good
that I so wish I would do.

But I am not the only one
who struggled with that.

Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

I just wish I could see
how I could possibly be
fearfully or wonderfully made.

I don't fear You
nearly enough.

For if I did
maybe I would
strive to align myself
with the image that I am
supposed to reflect a little more.

But it's not going to happen in an instant.
No I am not a complete loss for hope,
just wish I could do what I wish.
I am struggling to gain myself,
and leaving behind the fool.

when the tide goes out by rustajb

Got.. to.. shake.. Bridal Quest mindset...

well spring fever is beginning to hit, but I'm not jaded or bitter (...no that doesn't mean I am going to be participating in this years hook up fever...). I've even running around singing/humming "Love Song for No One" and smirking to myself. There is no one except Hume and Kant to keep me engaged, though I'm hardly alone on a Friday. Well at least not this Friday, my peeps keep me company and I am even going to have waffles with a friend tonight. Life is pretty much the same, though many things have been weighing on my mind, God is stretching me, more so than usual...

"Love Song For No One"

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

take my hand
by devilicious

It occurs to me that we should beware of those who have the appearance of being oblivious or unobservant. They often know more than they let on. It also occurs to me that those who seem to be knowledgeable are often just as lost as the person who seems to be oblivious...

Ok, I haven't posted in awhile, the masses have begun to stir, to grumble... it makes a girl feel so loved... many things have happened and yet I am uncertain of what to tell you.
School work keeps me busy, I've got assignments scattered all the way through the semester (so instead of a crazy couple of weeks I'm steadily busy most of the time). Classes are going well, keeping on top of everything, and am almost done with a blasted DL that seems to go on forever. Work is work, I average around 12 hours a week, nothing big but it covers the rent.

Beka moved in at the beginning of the semester, the house is a little more lively with a third occupant, and the boys from Free Brygmann built a snow citadel in our (as they like to call it since they really don't have one) front yard.





I've been hanging around with the boys from Grace Abbey (which is just across the road) and also some boys down the road. I do have to say I find these people not only to be very cool and deep, but also absolutely hilarious. God once again has blessed me with more fantastic friends.

It was day of prayer this past Tuesday, which was needed. The week before I had been going through some spiritual struggles, things like being over concerned with money issues, questioning a lot of things like what I am really doing here... but there were a few worrying concerns on my mind, and as I prayed over those things God warned me that something big was coming... of course it is interesting how something can happen without us realizing how very important it really was... anyhow as I was praying on Tuesday I was asking Him to talk to me, since I was supposed to be waiting on God and hurrying to listen to Him. As I prayed the words, 'wait, just wait' were the only answer He gave me. He's spoken those exact words to me before... actually it was about this time last year... Anyhow, He's holding my hand and I am constantly reminded that I am His little girl. And that, everybody, is what is up with me. Maybe someday soon I will come out with some fresh rant or deep thought to tickle your brain with...

rays of reflection by ssilence

I'm at the end of the first week of second semester, and old tendencies are attempting to break through as I look at the work ahead of me, I'm tempted to panic, especially when I consider the time factor of work, and the little things around the house that need to get done. I have in past years felt the only way to prove myself was to push myself harder and harder academically... and so I would panic over school work. I've since learned that I need to let of of proving myself through my school work, let go of proving worth through my GPA and instead studying for the benefit of increasing wisdom and knowledge... and my spiritual life as Kevin Faucett taught us today (wish I could get the power point on that chapel, I love it when he speaks).
I haven't written much partially because of the reading load that got dumped on me at the beginning of the week, but also because I haven't had much to say. Christmas was simplistic, which was good, needed just to chillax. But also God has been reiterating a few things to me. At the beginning of the school year he used a mentor to speak to me, telling me not to be in a hurry to do, but hurry to hear and wait in His presence . He is urging that message again, to listen, to wait on Him. And I am excited to do that, last semester I needed to step away from the rush of everything, took a lighter semester. This semester I am excited to bring that aspect of focusing on God back into a regular work load, to listen to God in class, in school work, maybe even the dish pit (goodness knows he's spoken to me there before) as well as in my personal time with Him.
Besides that, it is bloody cold outside, in fact its pretty cold inside... it's just cold. Anyhow I've got some reading to do before I run off to the dishpit!

by turkish romeo boy

Of the various things I wish I could be, I wish I could be a photographer to take pictures like this...

I'm not really sure of where to start with what I want to say... or what I want to ask... hmph. There continues to be a problem, in the hearts of all mankind, an inherent desire to prove or boast about one thing being better than another. This felt need is more then apparant, especially here at Briercrest, in the never-ending debate of who is the better country. Over the years I've seen Canadians slightly bittered by being the country next to the land of freedom and opportunity, responding in the way we shine best... through comedy. Jokes, television shows, commercials with animated beavers, Canadians wanting to prove that we're worth something, but as is oft in trying to gain worth, or 'equality', the effort exceeds trying to be at level with others to trying to above and beyond. I have heard Canadians diss America. I have heard Americans diss Canada. I have heard Americans rant about all that is corrupt and wrong in their country. I have heard Canadians reject their country because of the things they haven't done right. I have felt the weight of those who think that Canada is nothing but hethenistic wasteland and today I heard the bitter frustration of an American friend who has felt the weight of Canadians who press upon him the opposite opinion. What I want to know is (or ask)

why do we gotta be like that?

Neither Canada nor America is perfect, and they are both oceans away from being the promised land. There is a desperate attitude of unforgiveness when it comes to the other party's faults; please do not think I'm saying we should have any sort of complacent leniency towards those downfalls. I just don't think that consistently boasting about one's greatness (and coincedently shoving the others faults in their face) would encourage anyone to see what is right.

C.S. Lewis once noted "that though the world is slow to forgive, it is quick to forget." And his observation is well displayed in a story of how a girl and her friend had gotten into a tiff over some small disagreement. The girl refused to speak to her friend, she in fact outrightedly ignored her, until her friend would ask for forgiveness over the matter. Six months passed before her friend finally broke down and begged the girl to forgive her, by which point the girl had long forgotten what it was they had argued over, though she had certainly remembered that she wasn't talking to her friend. It makes me wonder if we have moved past being unforgiving because we see a fault, to seeing only fault because we are unforgiving. I could be wrong but I don't think the person who said we should forgive and forget meant that we should pretend like the wrong we are forgiving never happened, but that instead we will not hold that wrong against them. If we forgot everything that we forgave I'm pretty sure we'd just end up continuously making the same mistakes over and over again instead of learning from the times we've messed up (I'm emcompassing learning from our own mistakes as well as learning from others mistakes). I wonder if maybe that's why history repeats itself...

I had meant this to be a short post... anyhow, I want to say: America I'm sorry. Please forgive me for ever having a condescending attitude, for ever mentioning your downfalls in jest. Please forgive me if I have ever been complacent or over lenient.

I know my country is faulted, but if everyone who sees all that is wrong with it leaves then who is left to help others see the truth?

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few.

What kind of blogger are you?

anyone shocked... surprised.. anyone??... right...

(for anyone who is curious, someone who is pundit has been admitted to membership in a scholarly feild, in this case the scholarly feild of blogging... scholary... blogging...)

Ok, the polls have shown that there is a high interest in seeing some pictures from that fateful evening in which I lost my hair... everytime I think about it Kristen Dunsts' voice pops in my head, when she played Amy March in Little Women, exclaiming "Oh Jo, your one true beauty"... ha. All right folks, ye asked, and ye shall recieve...

Kris, myself and Dez: the before picture



more before pictures, because they're really cool... Kris took this one of my fantastic dreads



Dez and I, aaaw, aren't we cute?



ok, on with the show, dez went first



and she looks oh so cute!



next in the lineup was Kris,



here you can see the face of our beautiful assistant, Alison



and lastly, myself





The here after... that is Dawn in the front.



so there it is... hope you've enjoyed the show!

a cold christmas day by aquasixio

Some Random Thoughts

First off, I need to poll the audience. The girls and I did indeed follow through with shaving our heads for the cancer fundraiser, and there were an amazing amount of pictures taken. What I would like to know is if any of you would like to see pictures from that evening.

Second, Christmas is two weeks from today. I have met some cynics of the Christmas season, mostly due to take over of commercialization, this is highly unfortunate for the holiday season still holds many good things. Although it is incredibly doubtful that December 25th is the actual birthdate of Jesus, and although we should always remember this, it is good to have a day dedicated to the fact that God humbled himself for us. I am also excited to see my family, I miss them, and my friends there, I miss them too. Also the holidays means three weeks with no deadlines, no homework, no work even, and that's the best gift I think I will get, a break spent with my family. ok... so... what are you looking foward to this holiday season? Or what do you look foward to every holiday season?

Third! I have promised to make a 'special mention' to a new friend of mine. Would all the blogger readers please give a warm welcome to Solomon. I met him on the internet!! Ha, there's more to it than that... but it goes to show how the world is full of strange connections. I met him through Erin, my roommate from second year, or rather through an email she sent out. Anyhow turns out we both know Joe Dueck, who runs the youth centre I volunteer at. Yay for random associations...

ok, I think that is all.

wait by pure anodyne

It's the last week of classes, the semester is coming to an end, an interesting and challenging semester.

God has taught me a lot about humility and learning to wait on him in everything; even right down to my mental processes. I've heard it and said it again and again that we need to make sure our thought life is 'in control', but to try and see life through God's eyes is a challenge of greater difficulty. A friend noted to me in an email, that "when we can get our mouth to only speak the truth that we have in our heart and not allow our emotions and our opinion to be in control instead of what God's Word says, we will understand what real faith is." This concept would speak for our actions as well, when we learn to act and react from the knowledge we have in our hearts instead of from our emotions and opinion. This isn' to say that we should ignore the fact that we have emotions and opinions, no that would blind us just as only seeing life through our emotions and opinions would...

Anyhow, need to break away from that thought, it was only meant to lead into what I was going to tell you. At the end of the week I will be shaving my head as part of the cancer society fundraiser. There was point last week when I was going to my cut dreads off, due to the irritation they are causing to my scalp and then this fundraiser was brought to my attention. I have had debates in my head over it until yesterday, at first I wondered if I was going to cut my hair off anyway is it really a sacrifice (although if I had just cut them off I would've given myself a few inches to play and style with whereas now I am shaving it down to stubble). Then I was wondering if I should cut them off at all, because I haven't had them very long and they do look cool... but also I have been feeling restless these past few months, and was wondering if I was just looking for something different to do, changing again for the sake of change. So I stopped debating (it's hardly believable but yes I can stop debating with myself) and prayed about it, asking God for the answer. As I prayed, it became more apparant, or maybe I should say I have more reason to do it than I thought. To shave one's head in an act of empathy towards fellow man is noble and reason enough to go foward with this. But also it is an act of humility in other ways... it has been noted that I have very nice hair, and since I have dreaded many have admired it and told me it is a look that fits me and looks cool. I never idolized my hair, nor considered it my pride and joy, but it is a way that I get compliments, I do play with it in order to make myself look pretty... and where I can't exactly sacrifice my blue eyes or my fantastic dutch bootie, I can give up my hair.

mmm by the way if anyone would like to donate towards this cause, you can (talk to me if you're on campus) or email me at godsbutterfli@gmail.com.

OK so between life of a not so ordinary jo, and tell me no lies, there is a theme of loserness today... heh, I love this song by switchfoot, and am glad to call my self a loser. So anyhow, have a read, and go check out the new poem up on tell me no lies.


Artist: Switchfoot
Album: Learning To Breathe
Song: The Loser

Only the losers win
They've got nothing to prove
They'll leave the world with nothing to lose

You can laugh at the weirdos now
Wait till wrongs are right
They'll be the ones with nothing to hide

'Cause I've been thinking, thinking
I've got a plan to lose it all
I've got a contract pending on eternity
If I haven't already given it away
I've got a plan to lose it all

I've been the burnout kid
I've been the idiot
I'll turn the other cheek to be hit

You can take what you want from me
Empty me till I'm depleted
I'll be around if I'm ever needed

'Cause I've been thinking, thinking
I've got a plan to lose it all
I've got a contract pending on eternity
If I haven't already given it away
I've got a plan to lose it all

I wrote this song for you
To show how I'm selling out
I'll take the benefit of the doubt

Because I've been thinking, thinking
I've got a plan to lose it all
I've got a contract pending on eternity
If I haven't already given it away
I've got a plan to lose it all
I've got a plan to lose it all
I've got a plan to lose it all