childs philosophy by gilad

nitpicking when larger things are afoot

I sometimes wish I could identify faults in myself as easily as we identify faults in others. But if we could see our own faults so readily living with oneself would become increasingly difficult, since we are around ourselves constantly. Maybe we do have the capacity to see our own faults but it is too traumatic for us to handle so our brains just block it out, like how peoples memories block out car accidents and tragic incidents.

Righto, nitpicking. Like many things that I ponder this has been mulling about in my brain for awhile. But usually things seem slightly more formulated in my head before I try to put them in a post. I am beginning to wonder if Christians are getting distracted, or sidetracked, by their pursuit of holiness (and I'm not claiming to be holy and above this downfall). We have these ideas of what holiness is, of what a godly person looks like, we define it, read books books and have discussions about it, and for all the work and understanding are we any closer to being it? You're probably wondering how this fits in with nitpicking. It is with these ideas and definitions that we 'hold each other accountable' which is all meant or started with honest intentions but can come to the point where we are focused on slotting someone into our ideals. To the point where it comes to being less about the person and more about their image. Where friends and siblings (and please don't think that I am saying my friends and/or siblings, I'm speaking from a general meaning) go from seeing and caring about how you're doing to how you don't measure up in every little way and telling you so. I'm not saying we shouldn't encourage each other in our pursuit of holiness, but maybe if we concerned ourselves with their person first than encouraging them might be more... natural... Maybe it's just a problem at Briercrest, maybe I'm nuts (that's highly probable), but I did say that this thought wasn't as formulated as most, well at the least I hope it makes sense. If it doesn't and you do want to understand I'll take you out to coffee and we can talk. seriously.

And since this is the first time I've posted in nearly a month I'm going to jam random thoughts, rants and life-type updates all into one post (I hope you can handle this). Right now I'm actually sitting in my parents house in Ontario, and have been in the province for a few days. My brother is getting married next weekend so I'm home for a few days to visit and help out. The first few days were nutty, with moving my brother into his apartment, going jewellery shopping and family get together last night, and I thought I was going to have nothing to do... ha. My mom has two weeks off (she's a nurse) and school is out for the summer so my father (who is a teacher) and my neice (who is a student) are home as well, so I think we'll find things to do. Such as going swimming (which I'm going to do right now) and making waffles for breakfast (which I'm going to do for them tomorrow... and maybe swap some manly stories). Anyhow, that is all I have time for. Maybe if you're really lucky I'll post again before I leave this internet-laden household.

road to joy by larafairie

I'm usually not a huge fan of posting polls and quizzes on my blogs but this one I enjoy and think actually tells you something about the person (unlike some of those quizzes, which are really fun I do them all the time but I don't think any of them really tell you much about yourself). Anyhow, it was my birthday on Sunday. My Mom was concerned that I was spending my birthday by myself and at work but it was quite enjoyable and rather symbolic of my time here; quiet and peaceful with a few unexpected surprises. I spent the day reading and relaxing, and then while I was at work my co-workers bought me a mocha and some of my friends showed up with a birthday cake. It made me smile, they made the icing from chocolate pudding and the only candle they could find was a large scented candle in Jordans house. It was great.


1. Total number of books I've owned: many and yet not nearly enough. I can't count them (since one I'm not close to either locations of my books) Here I have an overflowing bookshelf and also there are boxes of books stored in my parents garage at home.

2. Last book I bought: Bought?!? The Joy of Photography I think, at a used bookshop in Moose Jaw 2 months ago. I usually don't (or can't) buy books, I just beg, borrow, or steal.. i mean have them given as gifts... such as the book(s) That I actually wanted: The Greensky Trilogy, which you already know was a birthday gift recently.

3. Last book I read: The Time Machine by H.G. Wells

4. 5 books that mean a lot to me: (Sarah is right, the Bible is a given and these are in no particular order)
1. The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis
2. The Greensky Trilogy by Zilpha Keatley Synder
3. Little Miss Fusspot by my father
4. The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
5. (I am having serious difficulty filling this last slot in, which is surprising for a nerd like me... I can think of many monumental books and yet I find myself to put any of them in this slot knowing there is some other book that should go here... maybe this slot will be for a book I have not read, or maybe a book that I have not yet written, ha there's a pipe dream., ok this is an open slot for open possibility)

Tag 5 people and have them fill this out in their LJs:

1) Char
2) Rachel
3) Crystal
4) Dez
5) Dawn

Also! I want to share with you my new discovery. I always knew that there was something inheriently cool about Caedmon's Call, I've discovered that it's the writers that were solely responsible for the level of cool. I think (I might have his name wrong) the one is Randall Goodgame, who is hilarious, but also Derek Webb, who I want to recommend you all to check out. He broke away from Caedmon's Call awhile back being fed up with cliche Christian music and has been flying solo. Seriously this guy is great. Here's his website.

abandonment of youth by aquapell

This is it...

Well people, that fated time has come upon me. Today is the last day I will have my internet connection, at least until the fall. I will be occasionally using the net provided at the pil and possibly at the library, but I do not think I will be updating much on my blog. I would like to think that I would continue to be regular, and I will try to stop in and post, but I do not want to disappoint you with promises of regular posts. This summer, I know, is meant for quiet, peace, and a lot of listening; so I foresee myself being less outspoken for the next few months (or at least trying to be).
So this is me signing out, I'll see you in a little while. In the meantime feel free to email me, or come visit me at the store (I work mostly evenings throughout the week).

scar d sanity thumb by veraukoion

of thought and thinking...

The thought has occurred to me several times that there seems to be an awful lot of inspirational and directional literature available to us (at least in North America). A great deal of varying thought, persuasive arguments, convincing ideas and honest (and maybe dishonest) opinion. Also along with the mountains of literature that we may so easily acquire and consume is a long history of thought and action at our fingertips; or philosophy and sociology. There have been many who have taken the time to study and know the things that have guided and persuaded us in the past, how humans have handled pursuing truth, and living out convictions and beliefs. And many looking over the past, and many looking at the present, that seem to think they can identify where we have gone wrong and what we need to do to correct it.

I have a question for the popular literature and persuasive thought alike, for most likely one is found in the other, at least these days. And that is what makes our new thoughts of the present to lead us into a better future any different than that of the past? How is what we think and theorize now, what we believe needs to change, what course needs persuing any better than what was chosen before? Or could this just be another fad, another swing of the pendulum, another era...

A thought leads from that to this: does it seem that we cannot say or write anything other than what others around us are already thinking? Or cannot express what is already wanting to be heard? It is just that some of us are better at expressing those thoughts than others and the rest are left saying "yes! That's it!" Like a song that puts exactly how you felt at one point in your life in the perfect description.

I'm sure someone's already thought of this (otherwise I'd be contradicting myself). Are we just moving onto another idea, following another thought, or are we really any closer to knowing more, to finding the truth about all the mysteries that surround us?

~~~~~~~~~
In other news, I have been reading The Greensky Trilogy by Zilpha Keatley Synder,
an early birthday present from my parents. I used to play this old Commodore game called Below the Root as a kid and it wasn't until later discovered that it was actually based on her series and named after the first book. The plot twist to this part of my post is that the series has been out of print for quite some time and it isn't exactly super easy to grab a copy, especially the 2nd and 3rd books. Anyhow I just finished rereading the 1st book this evening, and I want to recommend it (if you can find it) to all of you. It is a children's novel (for older children, not like it's Dick and Jane), but several authors have proved to us that something can be written on a level understandable for children and still be enjoyed by all. Tomorrow I will venture into the unknown and start the second book, I will give you further review once I am done.

from here forever by massimo78

eat, drink, and be married

This past weekend I was in Edmonton for the first time. I and some friends stayed in the Sutton Place hotel, we went to West Edmonton Mall, we had a most enjoyable weekend, and it was all in the name of Adam's wedding. It was a beautiful wedding, and we spent some good days with the bride and groom while we were there. Went to the rehersal and the rehersal dinner, spent an afternoon at the waterpark, and ended it with their wedding.
I really appreciated my weekend away with good friends and was glad to bear witness to one of those friends new beginnings. The weekend did hold a few challenges for me, and also caused to wonder at what could be in the near future for me. Not marriage necessarily; but seeing where Adam is going from here, seeing him enter a different stage of life, makes me wonder where from here will God will take me. Another year and a half to two years here sounds like such a long time when you've been here 4 four years and are watching those you began with begin to go on to new things. I know I am not the only one still here, there are many who continue on along with me, but the uncertainty of the future doesn't tempt into trying to plan tomorrow so much anymore and I am excited to see where I may go from here. None the less I shall continue to strive to do as a wise friend once advised me, "don't try to hurry happenings along nor lag behind so that you miss out. Keep in step with the Lord."
Sarah is leaving Tuesday morning, and Drew on Monday or Tuesday; the progression into the quietness of summer continues and I hope that along with the quietness I can also manage to achieve a level of simplicity to match it. I think I should begin with simplifying the mess that is in my room.

(This is a rhodedendron, a flowering shrub native to North America.)
r. arboreum by djberry

I started digging plots for my gardens outside, it's quite a bit of work in this hardy Saskatchewan soil. But the physical activity is good for me. I am excited for pretty flowers and delicious fresh veggies... I also discovered that my new neighbour, Jordon, is also planting a few gardens. We went shopping last Saturday and got some gardening supplies, we deciding to share tools to make it cheaper for ourselves. Having that common thread with him is kind of exciting, that and we work together, it's kinda nice to be able to get together and share in something like gardening with a neighbour.
Because I know all of you are sitting on the edge of your computer chairs wondering in suspense.... what is jo planting in her garden??
I'll end the suspense.
In the front we're going to have some lovely flowers,

there will be sunflowers

poppies
(don't worry there will be no opium manufacturing
going on, they're not red poppies)

also some lupins
and one of my favorites, columbines

I also have a full veggie garden that will go in the backyard; which will contain cucumbers, green beans, tomatoes, bell peppers, carrots, sweet corn (!!) and my usual wide assortment of herbs.
Tomorrow... well, today rather, I leave for Edmonton. This weekend is Adam's wedding (my old neighbour and friend). We are scheduled to leave in about 5 hours, but I don't have to drive, in fact I'm creating a nook for myself in the small 'backseat' of Drew's truck. It's the space behind the front seat that has two little pull down seats; I extensive plans of (not using the child sized pull down seats and) padding it up with pillows and blankets and maybe taking a good nap or two. Adam's wedding is on Saturday, we plan to spend some time in the waterpark of West Edmonton Mall on Friday, Nolan and I, and possibly others I don't know, are going to go gallavanting with Dez as our guide on Thurs and somewhere in there we might go see Star Wars.
It should be a riot.

Also, although I've always had a love for photography, a deep appreciation for those who are truly talented, lately I've been thinking about it more. Wishing I had a digital for fun run abouts, and am still drooling over those fancy canons and nikons. Maybe it's because I have more time to browse the photos on deviant art, play with my camera and read some of those photography books I bought awhile back. Maybe I'll start saving those amazing tips at the convient store for a pro camera (ha, if people put coins other than pennies in the penny jar I get it as a tip). Maybe I will have to start a savings for a nice camera like the Nikon F55 , but I'll do research while I wait for the funds to slowly accumulate. Maybe I'll read more of those books in my nook in Drews truck.

Anyhow have a great weekend everyone! I'll tell you grand stories of Edmonton, and maybe a few pictures to boot, in a few days. And maybe I'll have a thought provoking post for you soon as well.

under construction

I wouldn't neccessarily say that the 'summer' has provided me with a gracious amount of time to think thus far. However it seems that now that the semester is over, now that people have left, now that the summer months have set in, now everything that has happened over this past year seems to be coming up in my mind. I can imagine that most people take time to reflect when something comes to an end, but this is less like my year in review and more like the happenings of the year catching up to me. I wouldn't say I'm slow to react at everything, but quite often I've noticed that I have this strange delayed reaction time when something happens to me or someone says something to me. Sometimes it just takes a little time for reality to set in. Or maybe it is better phrased in the words I used above, sometimes it just takes a little time for reality to catch up to me. As if I'm often running a few steps ahead of it.

I would never deny that I am a blessed person, living in a great deal of luxury. But, even with this knowledge everpresent in my mind, this past year has still seemed pretty rough on me. So many good things have happened and yet so many disheartening things. I don't regret anything that has happened, but it does cause me to let out a long sigh from the weight of it all, and not regretting doesn't mean I feel any less hurt; only that I (only by God's grace) not let it rule my life.. He holds me, and I am eager to see what He wants to teach me this summer...

Ok well, I did some rearranging over on the side there, if you will notice nojo ind is also there. That link will actually bring you to my deviant art account which has more of the nojo goodness!! Enjoy!

Recently, a friend and I birthed a new corporation. We call it nojo industries. What in the world would nojo industries produce? I thought I'd give you, my beloved readers, a small taste.




we're thinking of putting out encouraging calenders, and maybe selling prints...

vanillia courtyard by severin m. koller

moving up and going on

Grad is only a week and a half in the past, and yet it seems like it's been a long time. The feeling of summer is lacking, maybe because I'm still here, or maybe its because not everyone has left yet; it feels rather like mod week, a really quiet mod week. But this is good, easing into the summer here sounds like a much better idea than being surrounded by a lot of students one day and finding oneself in a ghost town the next. As people have left I've inherited a large assortment of plants to keep my seedlings company, so the house is looking mighty green. We also finally got kitchen chairs to replace those hideous ones that we've been meaning to replace since the beginning of the year. This is feat of extradinary greatness. We've acquired other things with the coming of the end of the year, but there was one special item that has come my way, which is a bike. It's old, it's got issues, but it's mine. I've got wheels.

As well as scoring on the free stuff I actually did some shopping for myself. I went shoe shopping the other day, which I haven't done in a long time. I have been in desperate need of some good running shoes, and also needed something for my brother's wedding. I bought a new handbag since vincent and cady ate the handle off my last one. And I have also been investing here and there in garden tools. I have a hand spade, a little hoe, got some topsoil for potting needs and to mix with the clay in my backyard, and I even got a new hose head to go on the hose that we found in our trailers when we moved in. So there has been lots of fun and new things all around.

There were a few days where I was slightly worried about employment for the summer, there are a lot of people looking for hours around here it seems and not enough work them all. Anyhow I was beginning to wonder if I would have enough to support myself, let alone saving up for the fall semester, and wondering why God would ask me to stay here with no means of providing. But as warded off panic by actually talking to God about it, and he reminded me that provided I was willing to be obedient he would provide. A few days later I got handed a multitude of shifts and ended up working 30 hours that week, with 35 waiting for me in the next. Unfortunately that amount of hours couldn't continue, since there are many others to employ, but I had made the effort of inquiring about work at the establishment at the front of Caronport. Most of you know about The Point, which is overseen by Sodexho, the same company that runs the caf where I work now. I didn't expect much, just hoped for a few shifts a week (especially for when my hours dipped below 20 hours at the caf). After some phone tag and an almost goose hunt in Caronport, the definate answer came today.

Starting Sunday I will be working in the convience store 8pm-2am Sunday through Thursday. Which, by coincidence, allows me to be available for Joe's Place on the weekends, and go to Church. I didn't realize this until after talking to the manager; I didn't have to barter, beg, nor even banter for it, it was just handed to me. I know I am regularily humbled, but to be humbled and so blessed at the same time isn't a usual method (it's usually humbled and embarrassed). I wasn't quite a doubting Thomas, I knew I was supposed to be here, and while my emotions were tempted to panic my head held onto that knowledge. But still, God made my work schedule fit so appropriately with other things and still allowed me to work 30 hours a week. Enough work to support and save, and enough time to seek Him, act out His love, and study a little. God is amazing and works out His plans with such care that it shames even the smallest amount of doubt. I do not hang onto the shame, I am more overwhelmed by thankfulness, and while I will miss my friends at the caf I look foward to regular hours. And shifts that are more than 3 hours long! Some days at the caf (like the past 2 days and tomorrow) I've been working at breakfast, lunch and dinner, so from 7-9, 11-2, and 4-6:30. That can become tiresome, even in a small span of time, though I was thankful for the work. So the dishpit princess is moving up in the world, although I think working in the dishpit is less scary and sometimes more fun than other positions. So many things to mess up and people to get angry or impatient with you out there, and in the dishpit we can dance around to music and sing horribly to U2 (and of course work too); it was a nice little niche in the caf. Well maybe I could sing along to music horribly to music in the convience store. Something tells me it wouldn't amuse the customers as much as it amused my co-workers.

Well that is enough chatter, I'll bring this to a close. I've been sewing myself some summer clothes, and I've been 'contracted' to sew a coat like vash the stampede's for a friend. It's really great when the things you like to do are also functional and can bring in a little money. I think I will go and do a little more of said sewing.

cinemascope

are you listening?

As the last few weeks of school were in progress I had an observation that straddles the academic world and popular television shows; that also straddles the past and present. I have noticed that there are many of us who consider most truth to be in the ancient texts--the Bible, the desert fathers, ancient philosophers-- and there some who consider those things irrelevant to modern society; here, I find people usually respect both age old wisdom and fresh thinking. But similar to that varience in mindset I have noticed a another trend. There are some of us who remain incredibly focused on schorlarily studies making little time for entertainment; thinking that only studies hold relevance to life they steer away from tv, movies, computer games or play stations. Then there are others who find studying overrated and assignments a great waste of time which holds little relevance to real life; some of these people spend a great deal of time watching the televsion and sitting in front of their computers.

Many find themselves between the two extremes, alloting time for their studies but allowing for a good space of time to veg. However, there are still many who lean towards one side of the other. But people have been made for different purposes so will pursue different priorities (or is it that they pursue different priorities that they become made for different purposes... hmmm), my observation isn't quite so focused on the mindset as the attitude... and how that attitude can be caught unaware. I, myself, have leaned towards the former mindset of being incredibly focused on studies. Though I have watched movies and tv I never really held it in high regard, I usually see it more as a time to spend time with people than anything else (when one talks a great deal before and after, and sometimes through a show this actually can be seen as social). And I have noticed that leaning towards this side can result in an attitude of haughtiness; not only does one just not choose to watch tv in their spare time, but they can be 'above' choosing to watch tv or play video games. I have not quite hit that sort of attitude, but the possibility was there. There is a possibility of making it an object of pride, that tv, or movies only dumb us down; that instead of wasting my spare time on brainless tv shows I could enlighten myself reading novels (or working to pay off my debt... heh...).

Over this semester I have seen a classmate apply what we are learning in a class on Hebrew poetry and wisdom into how he leads worship, many would not be able to see the connection, but having been in the class and listened I can see how it connects. What we were learning in class and what we were learning from ancient texts has feasibly and unsuprisingly connected to a modern life. But I also saw this semester, which caught me unaware, was hearing a simple and deep truthful statement on a prime time television show. In a gap of my time constraints and using the excuse of social quality time I sat down and watched an episode of Lost, and yes was hooked (It is a refreshing change from the reality tv shows that have infiltrated the tv stations). And in watching this series heard a character state the line that brought on a post about a month ago. Evidences for the principles of life are accesible throughout life, not just in past life, but also present; not only in the life of great thinkers, but even in entertainment. Evidences for truth are still available in strange and curious facets. I do not by any means recommend that we should spend countless hours in front of a tv looking to media to discover truths, but I do want to ask, 'are you listening?' Would you know it if you heard or would the words slide over your consciousness like water glides over parched and dry land... being able to recount all that you've heard doesn't necessarily mean that it has sunken in, especially if a mindset, or the attitude that develops from it, stands between your head and your heart.

red astonishment by ssilence

maybe I should get dreads like these.

Anyhow, there is a new segment for Port Caron
Christian Society Soap Opera fans eat your heart out!!

about life and freedom by tyoib

Pleasant Hum Drum

I've finished my exams as of yesterday morning. I have free time now, and I'm really not sure what in the world to do with myself. OK, I do have a few ideas, and it is still busy around here as I cover shifts for other people at the caf and try see everyone before they leave.

After more than 7 months our house, which we lovingly call Ipanema, is beginning to look more like a home. Sarah bought a love seat and a coffee table which makes the living room more full, more like a living room. Nolan helped me put up one of my broken mirror art peices on the wall in the living room(and when I say helped I mean he did it, infact I wasn't even there). And on Sat Dez and I put up a few of her puzzles; one of the Notre Dame in Montreal (which I absolutely love) and another of Van Gough's starry night (which is also fabulous). So the living room is looking fuller, more like a home, on the walls and floor alike.

There are ways that the house is starting to look like a home outside of the living room; in fact it will eventually be outside of the house. I started planting last week, started growing plants inside so they will be well grown and strong by planting weekend (generally the first weekend in June... i think... is the proper planting time, it is a safe distance after the last frost, and that weekend is when the home based greenhouses, and the horticultural society, sell their excess plants). Anyhow, the prospect of having a garden is exciting, and will definately make this place seem more like a home, and I think my old plot of dirt in Ontario should be given as an inheiritance to my neice. She seems to share the love of getting things to grow, so I think she would be a most appropriate person to hand the responsibility over to. She would take care of the plants that still remain there, and add some new ones of her own.

I cooked a whole chicken for the first time on Sunday, which I am pleased to say turned out quite well. It was one of our communal dinners, where the boys next door and Sarah and I get together to have a nice dinner. Adam made the potatoes and brought a pie and we all conveined in our (full and homey) living room for what will be possibly be the second last time we have a big meal together (Our last meal will be when we get together for Adam's wedding).

So that is the pleasant hum drum, throughout these simple pleasures and finishing up classes God continues to teach me and stretch me, and my mind continues to turn on many things. At many points I've been quiet and distant, though sometimes I think I talk too much and should just stop speaking, and I've got that end of the year worn-outness that college students get. But all is well here, Ipanema is beginning to see sunnier days and will soon see the fruits (and veggies and flowers) of a properous garden.

far away by ssilence

Of Judging Wisdom and Humility

Lately I've been feeling judged, or misjudged. I guess both apply, I have to be
judged to be misjudged, but I waiver on the edge of digressing. Lately I've been
feeling judged. It could just be me, maybe I'm over sensitive, or dillusioned, but I
did say it was a feeling,and not a fact. The latest of which a friend quite flippantly
told me in the midst of a conversation that I had a huge chip on my shoulder
about guys. It hit me hard that someone who has known me for as long as he has
could know me so little. And that he handled it with such little care to cast it on me
while working at Joe's and then leave me with nothing but a smirk. Like a friend
punching you in the stomach while you're at work and then just walking away
expecting you to be able continue what you're doing like he's only just saidhello.
I will admit that there can be an impression of this about me that I didn't realize
before and that I would like to shed that. But to have a friend judge me for
appearance, to not try to understand my circumstance, just really hurts. There have
been a few incidents where I feel like others are grossly misjudging me on
appearance. Granted that will always happen, but lately it just seems a little more
often, and by people you'd hope would attempt to understand, you'd hope they'd be
forgiving.

Anyhow like any little thing in life it got me to thinking, with the aid of some readings
I have been doing. Before this had afflicted my brain, my mind had been turning on
wisdom and humility, two very general aspects of life and humanity. I've been
studying James 3 for hermeneutics, as well as reading Hobbes for philosophy,
and C.S. Lewis just because; where wisdom and humility has been popping up.It
has occurred to me, throughout enduring life's lessons, that humility is at the heart of
every lesson and wisdom the goal of it. For we are humbled when we are shown that
there is something we need to be taught, we must admit in humility that we need to be
taught (or in other words we were not so wise as we thought), and are wiser for doing
so. But the beginning problem is the diffculty in realizing that maybe we are not so
wise as we thought. Hobbes touched on wisdom in speaking of the degree in which
mankind is equal,

      That which may perhaps make such equality incredible is but a vain conceit
      of one's own wisdom, which almost all men think they have in greater degree                                   
      than the vulgar; that is, than all men but themselves, and a few others, whom  
      by fame, or for concurring with themselves, they approve. For such is the 
      nature of men that howsoever they may acknowledge many others to be more 
      witty, or more eloquent, or more learned, yet they will hardly believe that 
      there there be many so wise as themselves; for they see their own wit at hand, 
      and other men's at a distance. But this proveth rather that men are in that 
      point equal, than unequal.

Hobbes is perhaps exaggerating, but he has the clear point that we often like to think
ourselves wiser than maybe we really are. What does this have to do with judging
others? Well, when we think ourselves wise, we also think ourselves fit to adequately
judge others. It makes me wonder how often I have judged others and not even
realized that I am basing opinion on outward appearance. It makes me hate the
whole concept of first impressions, and trying to know a person and their character
without patience and forgiveness. There is more to think about, such as what is
wisdom, or who is wise, if all of us who think we are, maybe aren't? And of course
humility is showing up here to. What is it to be humble? But that's a discussion for
another post, or maybe for the comment section....

boulevard of broken dreams by gwarf

"You're not alone... don't pretend to be"

Lately it seems I've become more reclusive. Have you ever realized that a person can be surrounded by others and still be isolated? Having most of your time consumed by homework and work, while others have more liberty to seek leisure pleasures, definately isolates person. But even since being released from a rush of assignments, I am still withdrawn. While I am trying not to avoid being with others, because I know I need them--we need each other, even if it is just to be in the same room together and that is all-- there is still this strange seperation.

Becoming withdrawn is not always a bad thing, at least I don't think so, it can allow for comtemplation and maybe becoming more observant. Which in a sense is appropriate for me at this point, since I am headed towards a summer of spending time listening to God. But we all can be tempted to allow being reclusive to slip into feeling alone, tempted to think that no one understands how we think, what we are going through, or even to think that we are just inadequate at relating or explaining our thoughts. From there we are tempted to act on those feelings by neglecting our need for companionship. Neglecting companionship is sometimes different than avoiding people, it can also happen when we spend time with others and completely abstain from engaging in the lives around us; remaining distant and impersonal in conversation, for example. I am tempted to slip into this, and as I was thinking about it, 1 Corithians 10:13 once again was revived in my mind, this time to remind me that we are not alone, even someone as odd and apparantly random (I've been referred to as such) as myself. We are not alone in our afflictions, thoughts, or experiences, and we're especially not alone in feeling alone; we shouldn't act as though we are.

the graeae ii by nineveh

So it's another night at Joe's Place... yes I'm writing a blog while at Joe's. What can I say, I'm a slacker... (Joe's is the youth centre in Moose Jaw that I volunteer at) The school year is three weeks from being over. Students have, in the midst of their last assignments, started the counting down the days to the beginning of a summer spent somewhere else. For once I have no such countdown, and though in past years I had rather disliked having to pack my life up to transport it somewhere else for 4 months, now not leaving holds a slight sadness.
While I know there will be familiar faces here, Caronport is definately close to desolate in the summer. Strange to think but this summer will be much different than past summers... much different. For one, I'm not in Ontario. And two, I've never experienced the extreme dry heat (Ontario is all about the heavy humidity). The reality of the uncertainty and the newness that this summer will hold is starting to set in. I am being perfectly honest when I say I'm not scared, and I'm not worried. But I know this summer will be strange, and more than probably will be tough. I'm not planning on keeping my net connection after May, but I'll make sure to keep you updated, possibly weekly, through the library.